Dancing In The Dark
by CheshireEffect
Summary: Prequal to Gun's Sex and Power. Can't think of a summery so just read. Rated T until later chapters.
1. Sleep

**I don't own Matt but everyone else is mine.**

* * *

**Sleep**

* * *

"Oh excuse me ma'am." A medium height brunette woman said to the tall woman her son had just bumped into. "This is his first time out since we moved." Her warm brown eyes looked down at her son.

"You're belly's really round!" the boy exclaimed leaning forward so he could look at the woman's stomach closer. The woman chuckled and leaned down so that she eye to eye with the blue eye boy. The mother shifted slightly and placed a protective hand on her son's shoulder.

"That's because I have little baby boy inside of me." The tall woman said before straightening up with a small wince. "You have a beautiful son." she said with a smile.

The brunette woman blushed and squeezed her son's shoulder. "Say thank you Mail."

"Thank you!" he called as he dragged his mother down the street.

The tall woman gave the mother a knowing look before continuing down the street, a hand placed to her swollen stomach.

* * *

**Talk to myself again, all alone, on my own**

**Walk by the scene again, just to see what people see**

**Caught in your stubborn hold, and I'm so far from home**

* * *

"Mail, where are you going?" The brunette asked as her son dragged her down the street.

"You said we could look around before daddy comes home. So we gotta look around!" his dark blue eyes sparkled as he once again looked back at his mom, not paying attention to where he was going. She had to steer him around people and threw quick apologies over her shoulder.

Marlene let her son drag her through the busy crowds of the New York sidewalk. He stared up at the skyscrapers in awe, then around at the people milling like ants, some dressed in work clothes other in their plain clothes.

Then he stopped, eyes going wide in excitement and let out a squeal of delight. "Mom look! We have to go in, mom please. Please! I'll love you forever, I'll clean my side of the apartment. Please, please, please, please, please!"

His mother laughed ignoring the disapproving look some of the passersby gave the giddy child. "Sure Mail."

The man behind the counter of the dingy gaming shop gave them a bored once-over before taking a drink from his convenient store cup. The store was dim and smelled like dust, concrete and old posters.

Mail loved it.

The short brunette looked around and roamed the aisles with his mother, peering at the games and occasionally picking one up.

Dark blue eyes flickered across plastic covered cases and sandwhich-packed game controllers. It wasn't until they returned to the front of the store that Matt saw it.

The Gameboy.

Looking from the display case to his mother he frowned to see her shake her head.

"I don't have the money sweet-heart." She said softly and Matt stared at his ratty tennis-shoes before looking back up with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"That's okay, I don't need it anyway."

His mother led him out of the store. But not before reading the price on the gaming device. One hundred twenty dollars.

* * *

**So turn the lights on, turn the lights on**

**Turn the lights on for me**

**Keep the lights on, keep the lights on**

**Keep the lights on for me**

* * *

"Hey gorgeous, where you going?" Marlene ignored the voice behind her as she walked purposely toward the club on the corner. It was cold, her breath fogging in the air as she breather and she hugged herself for warmth.

'_Don't worry Mail, Momma's just going out for a bit' Whispered words as she tucked her son in the bed inside their dingy apartment. _

'_Please stay. What if Dad comes back?' Dark blue eyes peeking from beneath a floral blanket, The smell of his mother's hair as she leaned down to kiss his forehead. _

'_I'll lock the door. He won't be able to get in if the door's locked, now will he?' A playful smile as she rubbed her nose against his. 'I'll be back when you wake up.'_

* * *

**Don't go to sleep**

**Lost in your thoughts again, consciously you think of me**

**Focus your perfect words with a pen you write me in**

**I can't be reached, so far from here, I need you near**

* * *

Marlene opened the door to the club and stepped into the air conditioned club. Lights flashed and music seemed to thrum through everything, even the floor.

Holding her purse to her side she made her way toward the righ side of the club, where the office was. Inside sat a handsome blonde man with calculating hazel eyes. He smiled as she took the seat across from him.

"Marlene, it's good to see you. How's little Mail?" He asked offering her a drink, which she declined with a wave of her hand.

Hands in lap and a small smile. "He's alright. He wanted a game earlier…"

Andrew leaned forward. "And you didn't have enough money." It was fact not a question. Well known between the both of them. "I can give you some, you know."

Marlene looked at the man who was like a brother to her, the club owner and businessman that watched her back. The only person that seemed to care about her and Mail's existence.

"I don't want your money. I want a job." She said firmly.

A blonde eyebrow rose up in a silent question. "I can get you work as a bartender or a serving girl."

"I want to be a dancer. We both know they get better money." Marlene's voice was decisive, giving no room for argument. Government assistance checks only went so far and with how little they helped she could only afford to pay the rent on the run-down apartment and the payment on the car. They barely had enough for food as it was.

"I'm not going to let you dance around on a pole Marley." Andrew said just as levely, using her nickname as a way of driving home the 'no if ands or buts' card.

"Fine I'll go look someplace else." _I came here so you could watch my back, Andy._

"Like hell you are." The club owner said and pulled her back down by her wrist. "I'll pay your rent Marley. Don't think I can't afford it, because I can."

"I know you can."

"Then why won't you let me help you?" His voice was soft, concerned.

"Because I don't want your pity money, Andy! I want to provide for me and Mail on my own. I only came here because you owned the place."

Andrew sighed. "I'll start you off with a job as a serving girl." He raised a hand to silence her protest. "You can practice after work until your ready to get on the floor. Then we'll talk."

That was it. Discussion closed, and they both knew it. Marlene stood and listened to the bass that seemed to pulse throughout the entire building.

"I have to get back to Mail."

* * *

**So turn the lights on, turn the lights on**

**Turn the lights on for me**

**So keep the lights on, keep the lights on**

**Keep the lights on for me**

* * *

Her shoes clacked against the concrete stairwell as she made her way to their second story apartment. Even if it was close to midnight the city was still alive, lights flashing and traffic blaring. They lived in a noisy part of town.

As if to prove that point a gunshot cracked off in the distance, making the brunette woman jump.

Walking along the stairwell she counted doors until she reached her's. As she put the key in the lock her hand was grabbed and a rough grip tangled in her hair. She cried out but knew that no one would notice. Came with the neighborhood.

"Hey baby, got some suga' fo' me?" She knew that alcohol slurred voice.

"Hello Jack." She said gulping down bile as the hand grasping hers moved it way up her arm.

"Wha', no kiss for your man?" he asked and she turned on him with a glare, wince as some of her hair snagged.

"What do you want?" Her voice was cold, demanding. Jack's eyes glinted.

"Wha' do ya' have on ya'?" he asked and she pulled her purse closer to herself.

"Nothing, all the money's been used on rent."

"Really?" He reached for her purse but she pulled it away. "Then why won't ya' let me check?"

Even drunk he was smart. No, not smart. Cunning, conniving, deceitful.

"You don't need to see my purse." She couldn't open the door. Mail was in there and she couldn't risk his _dad_ forcing himself into the apartment.

When he punched her, her head snapped to the side with a bang against the wood of the door. Her vision blurred for a moment as her ears rung. Jack took her purse as she slid down the door to the ground.

When he was done rummaging through it, after finding the hundred dollars Andrew had pressed on her before she left the club, he dropped it. She felt as it hit her lap and watched him walk away with the last of her money before grabbing the doorknob and pulling herself up.

The key turned in the lock and she stumbled in, dropping her purse to the ground and shutting the door before making her way to the bed in the dingy, no-room studio apartment.

Climbing under the covers she shifted so that she could wrap her arms around Mail before drifting off into a fitful sleep.

Beside her dark blue eyes stared at the wall and blinked away tears.

* * *

**Don't go to sleep**

**I wait for you, I stay for you**

* * *

**So this is chapter one of the promised Gun's, Sex, Power prequel. **

**Drop a review to tell me what you think.**


	2. All The Right Moves

**Chapter two y'all (yes I do actually saw y'all, I'mma Texan at heart)**

**Discaimin' all ownership of Death Note. This is just a fic people so don't sue my broke a**!**

* * *

**All The Right Moves**

* * *

Mail looked into the room before tiptoeing in. Reaching along the wall he flipped on the lights and scurried to the stereo in the corner of the large room. He looked at himself in the mirrors covering the far wall as he passed and grinned.

It had taken him forever to get away from the room Andrew had ordered him to stay in. His mother was working late nights at the club and refused to leave him home on his own for that long. They couldn't very well afford a babysitter so he went to the club too.

When he got out of school his mom would be waiting and they would go straight to the club where she would practice before her shift started and he would do his homework in Andrew's office.

Curious as to what his mother would do while he was cooped up in the club owner's office he snuck out one day and watched through a crack in the door as his mother and a couple other woman practiced until Andrew found him and dragged him back to the office.

For the weeks following that incident he had thought about his mother and the other dancers and decided that he wanted to dance too. Plus swinging around on a pole looked like a lot of fun to the eleven year old.

So the week surrounding his twelfth birthday he had snuck into the practice room and practiced what he had seen his mother do. At first he was terrible; he even fell to the hardwood floor a couple times, but after a couple hours of practice he got the hang of it.

He also discovered that he was naturally flexible with his long limbs.

He just wasn't strong enough to hold himself up on the pole long enough to do more than hook his knees around it and spin.

Unlike what most people would think he found nothing wrong with what he was doing. It was dancing and he had fun while he did it.

Monday was his twelfth birthday and he was determined to master a move he had been working on for the last two days.

That was another thing about Mail. He learned quickly and once something caught his interest he would single-mindedly set a goal to perfect it. It was the reason his Tetris highscore was so high.

Placing his hands on the pole about a foot or two apart he pushed himself up and, as he spun, placed the tip of his toes behind the knee of his left leg before curving his left leg under the right. It was called Attitude.

Once he felt he had it down fairly well he tried the Attitude Reverse. This one was harder and soon one hour had morphed into two, then three...

* * *

**Let's paint the picture**

**Of the perfect place**

**They've got it better then when anyone's told ya**

**They'll be the King of Hearts, and your the Queen of Spades**

**Then we'll fight for you like we were your soldiers**

* * *

Marlene was panicking. When her break had started she had went straight to Andrew's office intending to take Mail out for lunch before her shift restarted.

So after changing into jeans and a t-shirt she had hurried to the office only to bump into Andrew as he was leaving to look for her son. Of course when he told her this she flipped and rechecked the office only to come to the same obvious conclusion as Andrew.

"Well where could he be?" She yelled at Andrew as they checked yet another private show room only to come up empty. It seemed as if the boy had vanished into thin air.

Then she caught sight of the small group of dancers standing outside of the practice room. Going up to them she was about to ask if any of them had seen her son when she stopped short, also gaping at the open doorway.

There was Mail, performing the same moves she had been learning for the past three years and pulling them off.

She watched as he executed what she remember was called a Chair before merging it into a Corkscrew.

Andrew was the first to move, shooing the wowen away as Marlene went to turn of the stereo. When the music stopped Mail seemed to break from his trance and stood, leaning against the pole breathing in lungful's of air.

He looked up at his mother who was waiting arms crossed and foot tapping. It was her 'you got some explaining to do' look. He grinned sheepishly before giving a slight wave as his hair clung to his face.

"Hey mom…"

Marlene closed her eyes and breathed out a long sigh of air. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? I went to check on you and you were gone. Do you know what could have happened?"

"But I was just in here…" Mail tried but she shushed him. He didn't know what he had done wrong...well besides sneaking out of the office.

"People are bad Mail. They'll hurt you. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. You are in so much trouble. In fact I'm not giving you your game boy until next month."

"What? Mom what about my birthday? I've been waiting forever! Plus I was just dancing, you do it all the time." He said stubbornly

"That's different." His mother was just as stubborn. It was a unique quality that they shared.

"How?" he asked and she stared at her reflection in the mirror for a long moment before answering.

"Because I'm an adult Mail and there are just things that you can't do. Sometimes no matter what you want you have to accept that some things are not an option." Her voice was soft now and tears prickled in her eyes.

Andrew sensed that she was speaking about more than just the dancing and made it his mission to find out what.

"Now I don't want to see you on that thing again, okay?" she asked firmly and Mail nodded.

* * *

**I know we've got it good**

**But they've got it made**

**And the grass is getting greener each day**

**I know things are looking up, but soon they'll take us down**

**Before anybody's knowing our name**

* * *

Mail woke up the on Monday feeling happier than usual. Jumping up and down in the bed he shook his mom awake before running over to the phone. Dialing Andrew's number as his mom climbed out of bed he jumped anxiously while waiting for the blonde to pick up.

'Hello?' Andrew asked

'Guess what today is, Uncle Andy?' Mail said.

"Hmm…Monday?" Andrew replied and Mail frowned.

"Nooooo. It's my birthday! You know, the day I turn twelve." Mail said.

Andrew laughed. "I know, now give the phone to Marlene."

Mail turned to see their living/bedroom empty.

He was about to call out for her when he heard retching sounds from the bathroom. Placing the phone down on the coffee table he went to the bathroom and opened the door in time to see his mother flush the toilet and wipe her mouth before washing her hands.

"What is it sweet-heart?" she asked, sounding more tired than usual.

"U-um Andrew wants to talk to you." He said before pointing to the phone. She walked over to the phone and he sat on the bed and pulled out his old Gameboy. It was the one he had seen in the shop three years ago and it was still his favorite thing in the world after his mom.

It was dark blue, just like his eyes, and had a Pokeball sticker on the front. He let his mind drift toward his mother's conversation as Pac-man ate the little white balls and dodged multi-colored ghosts.

"…No I'm fine really…yeah the doctors said that I need to eat more fruits and stuff…no…no Mail doesn't know…of course I'm not going to tell him…no…So what, I'm his mother…fine whatever…just not on his birthday." There was a long pause as she listened. Throughout the whole exchange she had gotten more and more annoyed sounding.

"Andrew, I said not today. I have time okay." She said before hanging up.

"Let's go get some ice-cream okay?" Marlene said. Mail turned his game off and pocketed it as his mother grabbed her purse.

* * *

**All the right moves... hey**

**Yeah we're going down**

**They say**

**All the right moves... hey**

**Yeah we're going down**

* * *

**So leave a review peoples and I'll get back to ya'! **


	3. Lost

**My laptop got taken away for two weeks. Because I got **_**two**_** Fs. I've never gotten an **_**F**_** before in my life! *is depressed* And now my brain is one big block. I really wanted to get more stories done this week but eh… Alright enough about me.**

**Disclaimer: (I haven't done one of these in a while.) I don't own DN.**

* * *

**The Lost**

* * *

Mail rested his head on his mother's hospital bed and watched her sleep. Her skin was pale and her eyes were sunken. She had lost a lot of the weight she had, leaving her frail. His fingers brushed her dull brown hair lightly as he listened to the steady beeps of the heart monitor.

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

He had been counting her heartbeats. There was an average of 75 heartbeats per minute - slower than desired but still in the 60-100 range for a grown woman. One heartbeat every 0.8 seconds.

As he stroked her hair he let the beeps lull him into a light sleep.

* * *

_**My hope is on fire  
**__**My dreams are for sale  
**__**I dance on a wire  
**__**I don't want to fail her**_

* * *

Mail watched silently as the casket was lowered. It was a pale blue color, lighter than the sky but not quite white. It didn't suit his mother at all but Andrew had chosen it because it was light. Everything was light.

The sky was a pale blue—_like her casket—_the sun was shining—_it should be hidden behind clouds—_birds were chirping—_they should be singing a song of farewell_—and the day was beautiful—_beautiful for her._

Andrew looked down at the brunette boy holding his hand. There were no tears in Mail's eyes. No crystalline droplets were spilt as his mother was lowered into her grave. No outward showing of the loss that was tearing Mail apart from the inside.

There wasn't a smile either. Just an empty stare at the box that held him mother's body. Her body, _not her._ To Mail, Marlene was smiling still. She was waiting back at their apartment so they could go to the club where he would secretly watch her dance. Where he would be the happiest, surrounded by beautiful dancers, flashing lights, and his mother's smile.

That was where she was… and as soon as this funeral was done, Andrew would take him back to the apartment where she would be waiting with her smile.

Andrew picked him up and carried him away from the funeral service as they started to fill the grave. Mail watched over his shoulder and let the white rose slip from his fingers.

It was bright the day when his mother was buried. The birds were singing and Mail was crying on the inside.

* * *

_**She's lost in the darkness  
**__**Fading away  
**__**I'm still around here  
**__**Screaming her name**_

* * *

When they arrived back at the apartment, two men were waiting for them. One Mail recognized instantly as his father, but he didn't quite know the other. He didn't like either of them from the first time he laid eyes on 'em. The man beside his father shook Andrew's hand and smiled down at Mail.

Mail's father pulled the boy into a one armed hug that had Mail cringing. He didn't want to be touched by this man. Andrew pulled Mail away from his father with a glare.

"Jack," he said in a form of 'hello.'

"Andrew, nice to see you," Mail's father replied.

"I couldn't say the same." Andrew quipped and turned to the other man. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here to ensure Mail's safe return to his father," the man replied, and Andrew narrowed his eyes at Jack.

"That won't be happening. Marlene felt that sole-custody of Mail be appointed to _me_ as his father is not capable of taking care of him," Andrew told him. "I have the documentation on me at the moment. "

The man nodded. "I see. However if Mr. Jeevas wants to bring the matter up in court; I hope there will be no opposition."

"Of course not." And with that, Andrew shut the door in their faces.

Laying Mail down on the bed in the middle of the apartment, he went to the little dinette area that Mail and his mother had used as a kitchen. There wasn't much in the fridge except a pizza and some Kool-Aid, so he warmed up the leftovers and gave Mail a slice.

The brunette sat silently on the bed eating his pizza as Andrew went through the apartment for things to take with him when he brought Mail to live with him in his apartment above the club. Sitting the plate of half-eaten food aside, Mail scrambled out of bed and collected his Gameboy and the few outfits he had in his back-pack.

Andrew came out of the bathroom with his Pac-Man towel and his orange tooth-brush in hand and those were also put in the bag.

Two more hours passed like this, Mail packing things that he wanted to keep and Andrew going through Marlene's papers, placing them in paper bags and putting them by the door. After mostly everything was packed Andrew took the bags and brought them down to his car before coming back for Mail.

Tomorrow he would have someone clear the apartment and give the manager the keys. Anything left would either be thrown away or given to a shelter.

* * *

_**I'm burning the bridges  
**__**And there's no return  
**__**I'm trying to reach her  
**__**I feel that she yearns**_

* * *

Mail settled into his life with Andrew well but seemed to have lost his voice along with his mother. He refused to talk no matter what Andrew tried but continued to excel in his normal areas such as schooling and dance.

That was another change in his life since moving in with the club owner. Andrew couldn't seem to keep up with the brunette and finally allowed a couple of his more trusted dancers to watch the boy while he was too busy to do so.

The club workers enjoyed the silent boy's company and even taught him some of the simpler, more modest dances once he was finished with his homework.

Matt settled into his new life well but there was always a gaping hole in his reality, a flaw in the world he lived in. So he filled it in the best way he knew how. By pretending.

Each time he got an A on a test or assignment he would tack it to his wall and pretend his mother was sitting on his bed smiling at how smart her son was. Her smile was still warm and she would hold him while he slept. It didn't matter that she wasn't really there because… to him, she was.

His world was perfect for once, but that all ended eight months after his twelfth birthday.

Looking down at his game as he walked toward the club, he didn't notice the car beside him until it crawled to a stop. Looking over, he saw his dad and instantly wished he was anywhere else. His _fight or flight_ instincts kicked in - but as his dad approached him, his legs couldn't seem to _move_. He _couldn't_ run!

Jack Jeevas smiled at his son. "Hey, Mail, mind if we talk for a minute?" he asked, and the brunette just looked at him.

Rolling his eyes, the man laughed. "I wanted to visit your mother's grave. I thought it would be nice to bring you along. You could talk to her for a bit and then I'll drop you off at your Uncle Andrew's."

Mail looked at his father incredulously before turning away. His mother didn't have a grave. She wasn't dead. And _why_ would he want to with _him?_ Mom didn't like dad, so that was reason enough to stay away, especially with all the times he had hit his mother.

Feeling a large hand wrap around his wrist he opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. Mail kicked out at his dad and caught the man in the shin, but the elder only grunted in pain before shoving Matt into the waiting car.

The brunette tumbled past the middle console and smacked his head against the passenger side window, his vision blurring for a moment as pain shot through his head. Letting out a silent whimper, he reached for where the lock should be, only to feel a tiny nub his finger couldn't seem to get a grip on.

Jack grabbed Mail's arm and jabbed a needle into it before releasing his son. The brunette slumped back in his seat, looking at his arm with a shocked expression before his vision blurred and his eyes rolled back in his head.

* * *

_**She's haunting my dream world  
**__**I'm trying to survive  
**__**My heart is frozen  
**__**I'm losing my mind**_

* * *

When Mail came to, he was in a dark room; one wrist was cuffed to the headboard of the bed he was laying in. Pulling on the metal binds, he let out a small sound of pain and tried to squeeze his hand through the cuff.

Maneuvering the best he could, he placed his feet against the headboard and was about to push when the bathroom door connected to the room opened.

His dad stepped out and barely spared him a glance as he shrugged on a t-shirt and ran a hand through his hair.

Mail took in his surroundings and quickly figured out that they were in a hotel room. The real question was _where_ this hotel room was.

Reaching around he felt something hard brush his fingertips and turned his head to see his Gameboy lying on the bed beside him. It was on the bed… but when he opened it, he saw that the screen was shattered and the frame was cracked. Gently closing it, he placed it back down on the bed as tears started to flow. Bringing up his free arm, he wiped them on his jacket sleeve and looked over at Jack.

He wanted so badly to talk, to ask what was going to happen to him, to scream for help - but he knew that when he opened his mouth, nothing would come out. He had never wanted his voice more than he did right now, and for some reason, it was deserting him.

Holding his knees to his chest, he leaned against the headboard and cried silent tears.

* * *

**There is a perfectly good reason Mail lost his ability to speak. Although it's uncommon there have been reports of children losing their ability to speak after a tragic or traumatizing event takes place in their life. In Mail's case, the event would be his mother's death. It's very similar to selective mutism or SM, but it follows the same basic principles… Although, children experiencing SM usually have the ability to speak and choose not to out of fear or anxiety.**

**That said I wish to apologize for the long wait prior to the update, as well as the short, crappy chapter. I will bring you a better chapter next time.**

**Also (!) Alex will be coming in next chapter so be prepared.**

**Review?**


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